I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
