I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
