so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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