So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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