I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
