Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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