its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
