I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
