So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
