I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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