i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
