You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So vagazzling was a success
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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