morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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