I feel like abortions should bother me more
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize