he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
