I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
