the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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