i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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