I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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