I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
