Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
