I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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