Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I cannot find my penis.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
