how can u be prego again
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize