so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
