I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
