I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
