How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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