Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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