I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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