How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's the barista slut.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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