are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize