a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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