i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
