i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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