I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
