Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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