Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
