and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
