I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
