sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
