she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I want a musical about memes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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