all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
