you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
