I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize