they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize