I'm eating all of the evidence.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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