Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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