You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
