Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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