you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
