The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
