Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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