Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you made out with another girl for some wings
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize