You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
