dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
