When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
