Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
