I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
