I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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