Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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