Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
