Nicole vs. Life
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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