What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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