I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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